Orchestration

Bed at 1am
Awake at 4:30 am
Barely made it on the plane cause there were lines everywhere at the airport
Asleep before take off and slept all the way til touch down (2 hours)
Ryan picked me up and we went straight to play disc golf.
That was fun.
From there we went rock climbing Josh was tons of fun. I did two 5-6s and two 5-7s.
Drove to park city.
Took a “nap” and woke up 4 hours later.
Hung out with my aunt and uncle.
Back to bed.

Wide awake.

today was so cool. 

i got off work at 8:30am after a weird/semi chaotic night and headed home. everyone woke up as soon as i got home, and all four of us sat and chatted a bit and then split off in separate directions.

i went off to meet mrs. clough to help her move a green chair from se belmont to ne alberta. the original bribe for help was beer, but i was more in the mood for a chatfield biscuit from pine state (which conveniently enough was next to the house that we were dropping the chair off at and brittany’s place of work). 

brittany and i arranged to meet at the stumptown on belmont which i super rarely go to. i was walking up and glanced into the annex and ryan was there! he saw me at the same time, and we gave each other a big hug. it’s been two weeks since i’ve seen ryan, and that was only a quick trip to the airport, so i had been missing him as of late. so that was an awesome surprise. he joined me in line for coffee next door, and then stumptown bought my coffee (ryan is a company man). then brittany showed up with her cute pretend kiddos (that she nannies), and it was like a warm hand off cause ryan had to get to a training.

we squeezed the chair into my car justbarely. then had an awesome breakfast together. i just really like her, and she is an amazing nanny.

from there, i got some much-needed errands done. then camped out at coava. amber, jeremy, sam, and keith were all there. so i hung out with them and did some writing. it was just so nice.

after that i cruised home and tried on all my dresses in packing preparation.

tomorrow starts another week of vacation!!! 

friday was a bummer of a day, but truly the evening made up for it. Sarah, Mary and I had a spontaneous dinner together. It was especially great ‘cause Sarah made a bomb curry. We laughed at each other, and when I say each other I mean that they laughed at me. And we talked about everything that friends of 10 years could in the hour ish we had together. 

I think Sarah was bummed ‘cause there wasn’t any leftovers, though.

so lately, i have been thinking a lot about help. this has nothing to do with the book or the movie. it has to do with asking for help.

for some reason, it is the most awkward thing ever to ask others for help.

I became more aware of this in the 3 months or so. generally, i have a “i can do it myself” attitude, because it generally works better that way. i don’t want to inconvenience people, i am capable enough to work it out on my own. i am not out to prove anything or to be “miss independent,” it’s just easier.

but then i noticed i was refusing help when offered. and people like to help. well, i like to help. mostly, i noticed it in small ways. like jay would offer to help me carry something, and i would turn down him down even though i could have used an extra hand.

so now i have made more of an effort to be intentional about asking for help. it was really funny yesterday, because i had to get a bunch of stuff to my car, and my housemate amanda was sitting nearby. i started to ask for help, then i stopped myself ‘cause i didn’t want to impose… then i got awkward. then i finally asked, and it worked out. we laughed about how strange it is to ask for assistance even in the small things.

i don’t get why i feel bad. maybe i am afraid of inconveniencing people. but my friends and family can handle themselves, right? they probably can say no if it’s not gonna work out. 

another way i have begun to ask for help is by asking for prayer. for some reason this is a huge deal for me. if my faith is based on a dependence on God then should spill out to my relationships with others… makes sense, but is so far down on the priority range that when i am going through stuff i never specifically ask for prayer.

(Except for that one time when i was having a nightmare, and i called my mom at 2am to ask her to pray for me)

i have a friend. her name is joy. and i feel like our friendship is wonderfully based on sharing our relationship with god. and prayer is present in that. it’s awesome. i can be specific or vague, but not matter what, i can shoot her a text that says, “please pray” and i know she’s on it. 

i was talking with my other friend abby, and she offered to be available to pray as well. it’s so comforting. i find myself surrounded by people that want to lend their support and strength for when i am not strong, and i find myself stepping into the same role with other friends. isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?

we had a guest speaker last night at church. and he spoke on prayer. i guess God is trying to tell me something… or something. the speaker challenged the church to have at least two people to consistently pray with—pretty sure that was one of the few times at church that i wasn’t squirming in my seat. he brought up some awesome points about prayer.

one being that prayer is the way you grab a hold of God’s outstretched hand - what an amazing visual. when you are down, you grab someone’s hand to get back up. you are receiving their offered help. also grabbing someone’s hand is a symbol of partnership. like “we are in this together; we’re unified.” i can’t really think of a better partner than God, and having his help, and working together.

prayer is our response to God’s outstretched hand. how do we respond when we know that God gave us the gift of Life, His Son? how do we respond when we are in the darkest and deepest of pits and we see His hand offering a way out? 

My thoughts on this are still working themselves out. God first showed me my need for help and made me aware of my dependence, then he taught me about prayer, and challenged me in my prayer life. He is taking me down a road; I don’t really know where it goes, but I feel feel like He is preparing me and equipping me.

And i’m not going to be alone, which is just great.

My dream before waking up this morning was about McDonalds. I ordered a cheeseburger, took two bites, and then I asked the cashier if had fillers.

She said there wasn’t any gluten, but there patty had styrofoam in it.

I threw it away immediately.

Even in my dreams I hate the golden arches.